The Tale of Hidden Claws

Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived two valiant warriors. In service to the great King of their realm, they fought to protect the empire which they had once helped to forge. Their enemies were fearsome and relentless (Which also happened to be their names, Fearesome & Relentless ...Yeah, their mothers drank alot.) and would stop at nothing to destroy the kind King and claim the world for themselves.

Our valiant warriors, known to many as Sir Nicholas The Awesomeness and Lord Jackington Amazing-Supertron (And known to few as 'Snuffley' and 'Panda'...) travelled the world fending off the threat of attack from these evil-doers. They ventured to many exotic lands, such as Utrecht, Nova Scotia and Thailand, on their noble steeds named 'Vauxhall' and 'Corsa' (They had previously owned a horse called Thomas, but he turned out to be a perverted racist), consistantly succeeding in their appointed task ...Until one day.

Over on their evil homeland (Which is on The Moon, of course.) the evil Fearsome & Relentless pursued the final evil stage of their evil plan to take down the lovely King and his empire. How very evil. By combining their terrible power, they raised one of those Mega Demon Dragons from the deepest and evilest moon crater of them all and sent it to the courageous King's palace, to do their bidding.
Which is pretty evil, by anyone's standards.

Nic & Jack received word of this impending doom and rushed to the handsome King's rescue. They fought well but nothing they could do managed to pierce the Dragon's tough scaley skin. The battle lasted weeks and, despite the duo's incredible stamina ( ...Ladies ;) ), they began to grow tired. Nic threw a pebble at the Dragon, which missed it's target and hit two large church bells, nearby. The ringing resounded around the palace and the dragon dropped to it's dragon-knees, holding it's dragon-ears, wounded.

"Music!" Jack said, sexily. "Music is the key!"
So the warriors dropped their weapons and darted towards Vauxhall and Corsa. They untied their instruments, plugged them into the Palace's PA System and rocked the life out of that nasty dragon until it was merely a nasty dragon-skeleton. Victorious and absolutely knackered, the warriors had a nice sit down. Unfortunately this was probably a massive mistake because at this moment, the evil Relentless crawled from the shadows towards the hermaphrodite King and stabbed at him with one of the late Dragon's dragon-claws, which he held, concealed beneath his cloak.

A Hidden Claw.

Surprised (and quite annoyed), our heroes ran over but it was too late, Fearsome & Relentless were nowhere to be seen and the cross-dressing King lay dying on the palace steps.
He pulled up his fishnets and, with his last dying breath, granted the duo the gift of everlasting life (Oh yeah, he was a magic King btw) and bestowed upon them the task to protect the world from evil moon dragons, for all of time.

And in that moment, the valiant warriors felt reborn; like the morning's first light refracting through a dew drop on a freshly fallen oak leaf, throwing the colours of a rainbow softly across a baby rabbit's ears. Or something.

Fearsome & Relentless escaped on that fatefull Tuesday afternoon, but our heroes Nic & Jack live on to this day, defending the world from tyrants and dragons n stuff.

True story.

- Nic x

Intrigued? View this (and other intense HC literary works) as a Facebook note.